I Live in His Grace

"For He has delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling."

Psalm 116:8

Last night before I went to sleep, the crazy notion entered my brain to read my Bible.  I saw it sitting there on the dresser, and thought that maybe for once, instead of reading a novel or my baby names book before I go to bed, I ought to read the Word of God. 

I'm sure that most of you reading this, being the excellent and super-amazing Christians that you are, read your Bible every day anyway.  But I will be honest and say that I don't. 

At one time, I did.  Back when I was single, going to school, and had very few responsibilities.  I read it then.  I read it a lot then.  And now I am so glad I did, because it is all still there in my heart, and the Holy Spirit reminds me of what I've learned and what I've read, and it feeds me.  It was feasting time then; now it is famine. 

For these days, these crazy days of screaming children and messes, bills, dirty dishes, and dirtier diapers, these days it is rare to have enough time to even settle my mind enough to have a "quiet time" with God. 

These days, I live on His grace and His goodness.  And I have found that He meets me right where I am. 

In the same way that my husband and I now have to schedule an actual date night, and take the few minute snatches of time to talk and reconnect instead of spending hours and hours together every day, I have found my brief meetings and dates with God to be so much more special and meaningful now than ever before. 

So last night, when I read this verse, I knew He was speaking to me.  He was telling me that He has me. 

There is an anguish of the soul that can feel like death, but I need not fear it.  He has delivered me from it. 

And all those tears I have cried feeling like I can never be enough or do enough, that I am a failure?  He has delivered me from those as well. 

All the times I stumble and fall, when I mess up and I cringe because I did the wrong thing again?  He's got it covered. 

Yes, I live in His grace--and His grace is sufficient.

My Funeral

I am not sure why, but this morning I was thinking about what I'd want my funeral to be like.

I don't really care whether I'm cremated or buried--whichever feels like the right thing to the people left behind.  Well, I guess to be honest, I would rather be buried.  But if it's easier to cremate me, I say go ahead.  I'm not going to care at that point.  

I don't want anyone to wear black to my funeral.  I want it to be like one of those old-fashioned wakes where there is lots of food and people laughing and remembering my life, not my death.  

And I want The Princess Bride to be playing in the background, because it is pretty much the best movie ever and I can almost quote every line from it.  

I want the funeral programs to have two Bible verses on it.  The first is 1 Thessalonians 4:12 & 13, "But I do not want you to be ignorant, brethren, concerning those who have fallen asleep, lest you sorrow as others who have no hope.  For if we believe that Jesus died and rose again, even so God will bring with Him those who sleep in Jesus."  When I die, I will be with Jesus.  Nothing sad about that.

The second verse is Psalm 63:1, "Oh God, You are my God; early will I seek You; my soul thirsts for You; my flesh longs for You in a dry and thirsty land where there is no water."  This is my life verse, and it defines the core of who I am.  God is as much a part of me as the heart that beats in my chest.  I take Him for granted sometimes, just like I take my heart for granted, but the reality is that I know I can't live without Him.  Trust me when I say I have no wish to die, but I know that when I do, that will be the day I thirst no more.

I realize this may seem a bit morbid to some; a twenty-six year-old writing about her funeral is a wee bit creepy, I'll admit.  Well, all I can say is don't read too much into it.  I don't have a fatal illness or even some sort of strange premonition.  I just think about weird stuff.

Rescue

Because of a recommendation, I recently bought The Jesus Storybook Bible for the kids.  The woman who recommended it said that she would read to her daughter, but was often touched by what she read herself.  I experienced that tonight, reading the story of Daniel to Malachi and Israel.  It's called "The Jesus Storybook Bible" because every story is written in such a way that shows how the whole Bible is really about Jesus, and every story leads back to Him.  

At the end of the story about Daniel and the lions' den, in reference to God rescuing Daniel from the mouths of the lions, it says this, "God would keep on rescuing His people.  And the time was coming when God would send another brave Hero, like Daniel, would would love God and do what God said -- whatever it cost him, even if it meant he would die.  And together they would pull off the Greatest Rescue the world has ever known."

When I finished reading, I asked the boys, "Do you know who that brave Hero is?  It's Jesus."  And then I told them how the Bible says that the devil is like a roaring lion, seeking whom he may devour, and that Jesus saved us from that roaring lion, just like he saved Daniel from the lions in the den.  

I have to say at this point, that I think that little revelation meant a lot more to me than it did to them.  For one thing, right as I was trying to tell them about it, a spider went crawling across the ceiling, and Malachi was so worried about it that he could not sit still.  He wouldn't rest until Aaron took my shoe and squashed it.

I felt more than a little frustrated at being upstaged by a spider, but I had to just shrug it off, and pray silently that the truth would sink into their hearts for later.  They are so little.  They can only take in and process so much at a time.  But I know this won't be the last time we talk about all of this, and my hope is that tonight would be a building block for those conversations in the future.  

I want them to know that Jesus is the Ultimate Hero.  I want them to experience being rescued by Him for themselves.  But important things take time.  You can't go out into any random field and stick a seed in the ground and expect to see a plant pop up immediately.  First, the field has to be cleared.  Then, it has to be plowed.  And even then, there is so much more to do than just planting.  Cultivating.  Fertilizing.  Weeding.  Watering.  Sunshine.  Waiting.  Time.  Finally, a plant.  And then, even after all that, it is just a little plant at first.  It takes even more of all of that for it to grow into a fully matured plant.  

When it comes to my boys, it may be a long time before I see that little plant come up.  And it may be even longer before it matures into a healthy full-grown plant.  In the meantime, I have to keep working, sometimes without knowing for certain if what I'm doing will yield the desired results.  That's when I have to trust God.  He knows.  And He wants them to know Him even more than I do.  

I am just so glad He rescued me.