Crash & Burn

if you're going to throw yourself into something
throw yourself into Jesus

if you're going to crash and burn

crash into
the all consuming fire

and burn for Him

fling apart your arms
leave yourself wide open

to a love
razor sharp

that will cut to the heart

a love

that will kill
and heal

all at once

and will cause you

to live
and to die

I Can't

Today I read a wonderful blog, the link to which I am including here:

http://jenhatmaker.com/blog/2012/03/04/i-am-inept-thank-you-for-understanding

You don't have to read it, but if you don't you may not entirely understand what I'm about to write.  I was so inspired after reading this that I wanted to write a blog of my own about all the things I just can't seem to do (I also thought about running through the house shouting, "FREEDOM!" like in Braveheart, but that might scare my kids, and as a general rule I try not to do that).  So here we go!

#1. I can't get ahead of my laundry.

If you know me well and have been to my house a lot, you already know this, because you have probably seen the mountain (and that's not an exaggeration) of laundry that rarely leaves my couch.  I don't know why it is so hard, but despite the best efforts of my husband (or perhaps because of them), there is constantly a pile of clothes waiting to be folded and put away.  Sometimes I do some of the folding, but don't quite get to the putting away part.  Then the kids decide to jump on the pile like you would a bunch of raked leaves in the fall, which very effectively unfolds all the clothes I just folded, and there we are back at square one. 

#2. I can't make important phone calls (in a timely manner).

I am not sure why, but whenever there is an important phone call that needs to be made, I avoid it like the plague.  Or I make my husband do it.  Doctor appointments for six-month check-ups end up being seven or eight-month check-ups instead.  Last fall my dentist said I had some cavities.  I will be going in for that this Friday, six months later, and only after Aaron made appointments for the entire family to go in for our bi-annual teeth cleanings and I didn't leave without setting a date for the fillings to be done.  In person.  Not on the phone.  As far as I can tell, it's not even rejection that I'm afraid of...it's awkwardness.  Why I should be afraid of that, I don't know, but there it is! 

#3. I can't go to bed at a "reasonable" hour.

I am a night owl, so I like to stay up late, but there have been numerous times when I've had every intention of going to bed early, and it just Does. Not. Happen.  I'm sure it's my own fault and if I just had the willpower I could do it, but unfortunately I don't.  Whether we get home late, or Aaron and I end up talking, or I watch a movie, or I get sucked into a marathon of some tv show that is conveniently streamed on Netflix, or I foolishly decide to start reading a really amazing new book right before bed, or get caught up in some project--whatever the reason, I probably haven't gone to bed before 10:30 in at least five years, and usually I end up going to bed around midnight.

#4. I can't take a shower before noon.

There are exceptions to this, but unless I'm going somewhere and/or Aaron is home, I rarely take a shower in the morning.  Many times, it's more like after 3 o'clock in the afternoon.  And every other week or so, I skip a day altogether and just wait until the next day. Yes, I basically live in my pajamas, or at least some very comfortable pants and a t-shirt.  It's gotten to the point that when I take a shower, my children automatically ask, "Are we going somewhere?" 

Well, the list could go on and on, and mine certainly isn't as hilarious as Jen Hatmaker's (I could have died laughing about her Charlie Sheen hair!), but hopefully if you read this and can relate, you will feel a little freer, knowing you are not the only one!

anymore

starlit and vast
     those memories past
fleeting yet bold
                   so great to behold

creeeping

       into unforeseen situations

like covert agents

to steal away
                impact
from the present

with accusations
                and reminders
       so very
ancient
but
     always
             potent

dressed
      in new clothes
disguised
as old friends
             they come
presenting
  themselves
             as comfort
and truth

       and oh!

how they love

to sidle in

like evil weeds

and choke
the life
away

don't
      let
          them
                    in

though they knock
   so
       insistantly

you don't need them
like you think
you do

what you need

is in front
not
      behind

so
     live
           now
not then

you don't have
to pretend
 
        anymore

Picture of Here

heart
       broken
heart
    frozen
stuck in place
try to erase
no going back
                disjointed
           ideas

place the hurt
          up on a shelf
study it
    analyze it

what is it?

like a painting
someone decided
was genius
but looks to everyone else
    like rubbish
makes no sense

         say what you want
it just will not die

chosen
mistaken
and
                what is it good for?

the tree has no leaves
I thought it would have
             pears
                     or apples
something edible
        anyway
now look at it
might as well have been
burnt to a
                    crisp
all thin
and
charcoal-y
maybe we can break
off a piece
and draw a picture
                of where we are