Monday, January 31, 2011

I Live in His Grace

"For He has delivered my soul from death, my eyes from tears, and my feet from falling."

Psalm 116:8

Last night before I went to sleep, the crazy notion entered my brain to read my Bible.  I saw it sitting there on the dresser, and thought that maybe for once, instead of reading a novel or my baby names book before I go to bed, I ought to read the Word of God. 

I'm sure that most of you reading this, being the excellent and super-amazing Christians that you are, read your Bible every day anyway.  But I will be honest and say that I don't. 

At one time, I did.  Back when I was single, going to school, and had very few responsibilities.  I read it then.  I read it a lot then.  And now I am so glad I did, because it is all still there in my heart, and the Holy Spirit reminds me of what I've learned and what I've read, and it feeds me.  It was feasting time then; now it is famine. 

For these days, these crazy days of screaming children and messes, bills, dirty dishes, and dirtier diapers, these days it is rare to have enough time to even settle my mind enough to have a "quiet time" with God. 

These days, I live on His grace and His goodness.  And I have found that He meets me right where I am. 

In the same way that my husband and I now have to schedule an actual date night, and take the few minute snatches of time to talk and reconnect instead of spending hours and hours together every day, I have found my brief meetings and dates with God to be so much more special and meaningful now than ever before. 

So last night, when I read this verse, I knew He was speaking to me.  He was telling me that He has me. 

There is an anguish of the soul that can feel like death, but I need not fear it.  He has delivered me from it. 

And all those tears I have cried feeling like I can never be enough or do enough, that I am a failure?  He has delivered me from those as well. 

All the times I stumble and fall, when I mess up and I cringe because I did the wrong thing again?  He's got it covered. 

Yes, I live in His grace--and His grace is sufficient.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

Severe Lack of Inspiration

I fully intended to revisit my New Year's Resolution of 2010 and write a blog every day.  Yet here I find myself six days into 2011, and I am just now writing my first blog.  So much for good intentions.

Right now I am suffering from a severe lack of inspiration. I am not inspired to write something amazing, charming, or perhaps even particularly interesting.  There are stories I could tell about the kids, about the holidays, about my trip to Ohio to visit my family and my trip to Michigan to go to a friend's wedding.  But, to be honest, I just don't feel like it. 

My lack of inspiration isn't limited to writing either.  I'm also having trouble with what I should make for dinner later, in spite of having a whole list of potential meals on my fridge which I planned at the beginning of this week.  Nothing sounds good, nothing sounds right.

Of course, it doesn't help that I am constantly being bombarded with requests, "I need a snack, I need a drink, I need a paper plane...I need, I need, I need....Mommy, he hit me, Mommy, he stinks, Mommy, he took my paper plane!"  It just never ends. 

Some days things like that, while frusterating, just seem like part of the day and I deal with it and move on.  Other days, like today, I find these constant conflicts and demands to be epecially wearisome.  Today is a day where I need some extra grace...and a nap probably wouldn't hurt either! 

Don't get me wrong, being a mom is great, and I love it, and I know it's exactly what I'm supposed to be doing with my life right now.  It's also repetitive and tiring and hard sometimes.  That's life.  Despite what the movies tell us, life isn't always fun and sometimes the happy ending are few and far between, or if nothing else, the really good moments are the really small ones, not big, climactic ones.  Some people have this figured out and they sort of take life by the horns.  Then there are people like me who have to keep reminding themselves that this is real life, that it isn't nearly as ideal as they thought it was going to be, and that it's okay. 

I'd like to end on a deep and philosophical note, but I just don't have it in me.  However, I do hope my lack of inspiration has been inspiring to you :)