Step

On the edge of knowing
On the verge of being
Uncertain of the ground that's showing
Can I take a step?
Or when I place my foot
And try to stand
Will I find myself in sinking sand
Sucking me under
Into a dark oblivion?

In between
Who I was
And who I will be
The question must be asked
Who am I right now?

The Wire

Life can seem like a high-wire act at times.  We are up in the air doing a balancing act on this thin wire, hoping we don't fall. 

When it comes to God, I sometimes tend to view Him as a sort of safety net.  I'm on the wire, I'm balancing my life, and it's always nice to know that if I should fail in that balance, there's God, my safety net, ready and waiting to catch me so I don't splatter on the ground. 

Lately, though, I feel like God wants to be more than just "there" somewhere in the back of my mind, more than something to fall back on when I lose my balance.  More than just a safety net. 

He wants to be the wire.

He wants to be the thing that my entire life is balanced upon; not a fall-back, but a life-line.

He wants me to know that He is everything that I need.  Nothing else will do and no one else can be to me everything that I need. 

The answer to my fear, my weakness, my doubt, my insecurity, my stupidity and my pride is entirely found in Him.

This is something I know in my head.  I've known it for a long time.  But I have trouble knowing it as more than a fact.  I have trouble really believing it.  He wants me to believe it.  He wants me to more than just believe it.  He wants me to live it and breathe it.  He wants that knowledge to become as much a part of me as my own flesh and blood, maybe even more so.

He wants to be the wire that I stand on.

Trust or Torment

In a Bible study I've been doing, the question was asked, "What situation most recently tempted you toward mental torment?"  My answer came from something that had been bothering me within the last week or so, but as we talked about this question in my discussion group, I began to remember other situations.  One, in particular stood out to me.

Not too long ago we were at Wal-Mart getting groceries.  When we got to the check-out, we realized that Izzy wasn't with us.  Aaron went to look for him while I continued tranferring the groceries from the cart to the check-out.  That particular time was a big shopping trip, and we had a lot of stuff.  As the cart began to empty, I was waiting for them to come back.  But they didn't.  It was taking a long time, it seemed, for Aaron to find him. 

Scenarios began to run through my mind.  What if he went outside?  What if he was lost?  What if someone took him?  What if someone hurts him? 

With all the horrible stories of children being abducted and the things that can happen, my heart quailed at the idea of something like that happening to him.  "Not my son!" I thought with anguish.  And then I heard God speak to me.  "No, MY son," is what He said.  "Don't you think I will take care of him?  Don't you know I love him more than you do?" 

At that moment, I felt peace in my heart.  God was reminding me that Israel doesn't belong to me.  He belongs to Him, and He will take care of him, because He loves him more than I am even capable of doing. 

I can't be with my kids all the time to protect them from life or from pain.  In fact, even when I am with them, I can't always keep them from being hurt.  But I know that God is with them all the time.  They belong to Him, and He will take care of them.

I have done a few different Bible studies in the last year or so on different books of the Bible, and there is one mesage that has come through very clearly to me: GOD IS IN CONTROL.  He knows what's going to happen.  He isn't surprised.  And no matter what is going on, even if it seems bad, even if it seems terrible, even downright evil--in the end, HIS purpose will be accomplished.

What is required of me, is trust.