This morning at church, this question was asked, "Where and to whom is God's calling taking you right now?"
This is my answer.
Where is God's calling taking me? It is taking me to my own home. And to whom? To my own family; my husband, my children. It is so simple, and yet it is the hardest thing I have ever done.
It is harder than going to a new school. Harder than moving to a new town. It's harder than talking to homeless strangers on the streets of Toronto or trying to show God's love to other students in a public school. It's harder than learning a dance and a drama as a means of sharing Christ in a foreign country.
All those things I have done, and all of them were difficult in some way or another. They all challenged me and stretched the limits of what I was comfortable with.
None of those things, however, has been as challenging as being a mom. Anyone can be a mother. It takes no special skill for a woman to carry and give birth to a child. Women's bodies are essentially designed for it.
But to be a mom, to care for and love, and pour your life into your children, and show them Who Christ is, that is a different thing entirely. And that is what I'm called to do.
Being responsible for other lives is at times overwhelming. I often feel at a loss. I don't know exactly what to do all the time. I am in unfamilair territory, leading these little children through life's jungles and just hoping, hoping and praying that I am going the right way.
It is harder than anything else I've ever done in response to the call of God because everything I do directly affects them. These little people see me every day. They see me when I'm tired, sick, and angry. They see me when I'm happy, sad, and depressed. They see me lonely, scared, and frusterated. They see my selfishness, and they see me when I hold them at night after a bad dream. They see everything. Even if they don't understand it, they see it, they feel it.
There is nowhere for me to hide. My life is bared before my family, and because of that I am constantly in need of the grace of God in my life. I am constantly running to Jesus for the strength I need to make it through the day, and to be the woman I am called to be. How like God to ask of me something that I so often feel utterly incapable and inadequate of doing. It forces me to look straight into the face of my need for Him.