Someone once asked me what it's like to be a mother. Well, I don't know what's it's like for other moms, but I can tell you what it's like for me. For me, motherhood is full of contradictions.
On one hand, I love being a mom. I love seeing their sweet little faces smiling at me. I feel priveledged that I get to see them grow from a tiny infant and into a man someday and all the stages in between. I feel so blessed that God has allowed me to have them and love them and care for them.
On the other hand, I hate being a mom. I hate cleaning up messes and getting up early. I hate that I have to make them food and then they don't eat it and it ends up on the floor. I hate diapers and potty training. I hate that I can't watch very many movies because I just don't have time. I hate that it's so hard to spend time with Aaron.
Some days I have so much patience and understanding and I feel like I'm doing really good. "Today, I am being a good mom."
Other days, I'm tired and grumpy and sick of their whining, and I'm not doing so great. And part of me just doesn't care on those days, and I get by with the minimum required of me. "Today, I am a bad mom."
And there are so many days in between the really good and the bad.
What is it like being a mom?
It's hard. It's wonderful, frustrating, and fulfilling. It's not at all gratifying. It's a calling and a blessing. It's a curse for all the times I was horrible to my parents (or maybe they get all that from Aaron, surely I never gave my parents a hard time?). It's the best thing in the world. It's depressing. It's tiring. It's fun, scary, and beautiful. It's challenging, but challenging can be good. All of these are true at different moments.
I'm not super mom. I try to do my best, and sometimes I even fail at that. Sometimes I'm just squeaking by. Sometimes squeaking by IS my best!
But I am learning as I go. I'm learning to pray for one thing! I find myself asking God to help me a lot. "There's got to be a better way," I have prayed many times. And God is faithful. He's helped me. He's given me the wisdom I needed. And He's put people in my life who have wisdom and experience and advice.
Being a mom is not always easy, but it's what I am called to do. "Where God guides, He provides," one of the guest speakers at Christ for the Nations used to say. And I know it to be true. God gave me these children, so He must believe that I am capable of raising them well. But I'm definitely going to need that guidance, and providance...which is probably the whole point.