Today was another MOPS day for me, and I'm really finding them to be very refreshing. With each meeting I feel more comfortable, and because of that, I am enjoying it more and more. The woman who spoke to us today talked about being in love with Jesus, how that's the best thing we can do for our kids. When I look back at my childhood and at my mother, I know this to be true. My mother wasn't perfect, but she did love Jesus, and she showed me that He is real. Ultimately, I want that for my children, for them to know that He is real. The speaker also said that it's not our job to be perfect, or even to try to create perfection. She mentioned how we often try to do things that God hasn't even asked us to do, and we wear ourselves out.
That really resonated with me, because I often expect so much of myself, and they aren't always realistic expectations. I try to be what my idea of perfect is, or what I think Aaron's idea of perfect is, or I look at other women, other moms, and compare myself and feel like I don't meet that standard that they seem to set. Then I feel like I've failed. And feeling like a failure never really changes or helps the situation.
The thing is, I'm trying to be in control, and I'm not meant to be. God is meant to be in control of my life, and He made me to be me, not anyone else. I don't mean that to be an excuse for shortcomings and faults that can be changed, but rather to say that God has made me for a specific purpose and when I try to be something else, it doesn't work. If a vacuum cleaner tries to be a water hose, it's going to fail quite miserably, and no one would be surprised by that. It is the same with people. The difference is that people don't always know themselves, and they don't always know their purpose, and to compound the problem, some people don't know God either. Who else can tell you what you were made to be, other than the Maker?
I realized again today that what matters most is that I look to Him, and ask Him what He wants from me. And maybe what matters isn't even asking Him. Maybe just looking to Him is all I need to do. If my eyes are on Christ, and not on myself, I just might be able to get out of my own way and actually be what He's made me to be.