Not Empty

One year ago today, at 6:32 pm exactly, my baby boy Simeon was born.  The first thing I thought when I saw him was "He's wonderful!"  You may believe that to be a standard reaction to a new born baby by it's mother, but in my case that is not true.  My first thought about Malachi was "He's big!" (which is ironic because at 7 lbs 12 oz, he was the smallest of my babies, but since he was the first one, I didn't know that).  And, I'm sorry to say, but my first thought about Israel was, "He's different...."  If you've seen all my boys, you know it's true of him.  He doesn't really look like either Aaron or me, or his brothers.  We've even joked about the hospital accidentally switching him at birth, but I told Aaron that even if it were true I wouldn't care.  I've had him this long, he's mine now, and because of more than blood. 

On a day like this I feel a fierce love for my boys.  It's a tangled sort of love, all intertwined with other emotions like pride, anger, joy, and frusteration.  I look at their existance with wonder, and yet I take it for granted more often than not.  I enjoy their rambling conversations as much as I am irritated by them.  I am proud of their strength and wildness, and at the same time, I find it trying and exhausting.  I love them with all my heart...and at the same time no one makes me angrier than they do.

But this is what I know to be true: because of them, my life is full.

Before I Die

Here are ten things I'd like to do before I die...

1.  Learn ballroom dancing...and hip hop

2.  Try one or more of the following:

Skiing
Snowboarding
Surfing
Waveboarding

3.  Learn how to make my own soap

4.  Successfully grow a vegetable (meaning that the plant would live long enough to eat it)

5.  Visit each of the fifty states, driving through doesn't count (which means I have to go back to Oklahoma, unfortunately)

6.  Meet someone famous, like a movie star, not a politician or athlete

7.  Write a book...and have it published

8.  Sell something that I made myself

9.  Go on a mission trip to Russia

10.  Bake my own bread

Daffodils and Dandelions

Daffodils and dandelions
Those little fluffy things that fly away
Like thoughts and ideas
That have gone astray
A little resistance and off they go
Floating about til
They find a place to land
A patch of grass to fill
They say they're weeds
I'm not sure why
They seem a lot like flowers to me
But much more independant
They sprout up where they will
Those dandelions do
A mind of their own
No one likes that
A good flower grows only where it's planted
And stays within the proper confines
"Be more like a daffodil!
You wretched dandelion,
Messing up the green of grass
With your patchy yellow.
You'll never be as good as a real flower."
But you can aspire
And even weeds are pretty sometimes

Bear Me Up

Yesterday I had terrible day.  My jaws were aching, I felt emotionally bankrupt, and all I wanted was to hide away in my bedroom.  Unfortunately, that is not really much of an option being a mom.  I really wished that I had someone to take care of me, but instead, I found myself taking care of three little ones, and no one taking care of me.  At times like that, it's easy to feel very alone.  I'm not really sure how I made it through the day, but one way or another, I did.  I know God helped me, I asked Him to A LOT. 

So, many prayers, a nap, a heating pad on my face (yes, on my face), a good long cry, some ibuprofen and a night's sleep later, I felt much better.  I hate having days like that, but they just happen.  They're just part of life.  On days like that, I am not sure how I will make it through, yet somehow, I do.  It makes me profoundly thankful for a God who sends angels to "bear me up in their hands".

Joy and Pain

Last weekend I spent most of my time sleeping or on the couch watching movies while I recovered from having my wisdom teeth removed.  In a weird way, I had been somewhat looking forward to that time because it seemed like a great chance to sleep and catch up on all the movies I can't find time to watch.  I have to say though, that it really wasn't all that exciting.  Not because it fell short of my expectations though.  The dentist had prescribed some pain killers for me, which I made sure to take.  As a result, I didn't feel too much pain.  But I also didn't feel much of anything else either.  By numbing myself to the pain, I was also numbed to joy, even the simplest enjoyment, like watching a good movie.  A couple of the movies I watched were old favorites I hadn't seen in a long time, yet I felt zero emotion while watching them. 

Now, by no means would I recommend not taking pain killers after having your wisdom teeth out just so you can experience joy (which, you wouldn't because your face would be killing you).  Although after a day or two I did switch to just taking ibuprofen because I didn't like how the stronger stuff made me feel (or not feel, however you want to look at it). 

I find it interesting though, in how this proves true in other areas of life.  Often when we get hurt, we don't want to feel it.  We want to be happy all the time.  We want to numb the pain.  Sometimes people will put a guard on their hearts.  They withdraw, thinking that it is better not to go through all of the anguish.  But, as I found out, when you are numb to pain, you are numb to other things as well.  The pain we experience makes joy all the sweeter when it comes.

P.S.  On a slight side note, though I am doing well recovering, my jaw and teeth (or lack of teeth) hurt more at night and the muscles get a little stiff.  Because of that, and because I am extremely tired, I am not entirely sure if what I just wrote made any sense.  So, if it doesn't, I'm sorry.  Hopefully, you get my point anyway.

Five Things

Five things I am thankful for, inspired by a morning at MOPS.

1.  I am thankful for my husband.  He is such a good dad, and I love how he involves himself so much in the boys' lives.  He takes good care of us all, and he took great care of me while I was recovering from my wisdom teeth being removed.  I don't know what I'd do without him.  God answered my prayers better than I could have imagined.

2.  I am thankful for Simeon.  No matter how crazy my day is, he always makes it a little brighter with his sweetness and his little grin.  The love that a baby gives is a very simple and special kind of love, and there is no doubt that they are a gift from God.  Toddlers I am not always so sure about, but babies, yes.

3.  I am thankful for Dr. Pepper.  I am trying not to drink it as much right now, but it is nice knowing such a good thing is out there in the world.

4.  I am thankful for my sister, because she just gets me.  She is one of the few people I feel like I can be 100% myself with, and that is a beautiful thing. 

5.  I am thankful that God is faithful, and He never gives up.  I'm thankful that He loves me more fiercely and determinedly than I am even capable of.  And I'm thankful that He never lets go.

Ryan Hickey

Last week a person went missing whom I have known since I was a child.  I haven't spoken to him or seen him in years, but all the same, I was concerned.  Today I found out that his body was discovered trapped in a car in a river, along with another man I didn't know.  This happened in Ohio, where I am from, and I won't be able to go to a funeral or memorial service for him.  So instead, I am writing this blog.  I write as a memorial, and I write because I fear if I don't, this news will pass me by too easily. 

So here's to Ryan Hickey.  That was his name.

He was one of my earliest friends.  I knew him from church.  I used to go over to his house to play with him and his brother Chris all the time.  I even spent the night (relax, I was only three or four years old).  I remember his mom reading to us at bedtime and falling asleep.  They had a tree fort in their backyard that we would always climb, and we would go for walks in the woods behind their house.  At church, Ryan and I would draw pictures of houses and trees and give them to each other over the pew.  Sometimes we would write "I love you" in the tree.  When I was old enough to go to kindergarten, we went to the same school and my mom would carpool all of us.  Ryan and I would talk about getting married and living in a tree.  My mom has told me that when I would ask him where we would get something like a microwave or a couch, he would say, "Oh, my mom has that, we'll get it from her."  I always have to laugh at that.  These may seem like strange memories to share, but they are all I have.  As we grew older, we didn't remain close friends, and I eventually moved away.  I really don't have many more meaningful memories of him than that.  I don't know what kind of man he became.  I only knew the little boy.

My heart goes out to his mom and dad, knowing that their anguish must be great.  To lose a son...I cannot imagine.  I am so sorry, for all his family, and friends.  I think it would be easy for someone like me, who isn't there and hasn't seen him in so long, to just go on with life.  But a person has gone out of this world, and it seemed important to take a moment and remember him.  It seemed important to feel the loss. 

Wisdom Teeth

At nine o'clock tomorrow morning I am going to have my wisdom teeth removed.

They are going to put me completely under, which is a good thing, but it makes me nervous.  Better than being awake for the whole thing, I guess.  Still, for whatever reason, I look forward to it with much trepidation.  I was really, really hoping I would be one of those people who don't need to have their wisdom teeth removed.  No such luck.

The nice part is that Aaron is taking the day off for it, and

Monday too, so it will be a four day weekend.  Also, his parents are keeping the older boys for us for a couple of days.  Knowing that causes me to swing back and forth between being nervous and being excited.  The boys will be gone.  Aaron will be home.  I'll be able to sleep, relax, maybe watch a couple movies if I'm not totally out of it.  If it weren't for the teeth pulling part, it'd almost be a vacation!

In any case, I may be taking the next two or three days off from my blog, so if you read it as often as I write it, now you will know why I won't have a new post.

Through The Years

Picture 1: 2005
Picture 2: 2006
Picture 3: 2007
Picture 4: 2008
Picture 5: 2009

(I would have put pictures from before 2005 also, but we didn't have a digital camera *way* back then)

Truth

I don't know how many tears you've cried
I don't know what pain you keep inside
I don't know how you mend your broken heart
I don't know what you do when you feel torn apart
I don't know how you find your way when you are lost
I don't know what you do when you find you can't pay the cost
I don't know who you turn to when you find you can no longer fight
I don't know how you overcome fear when the darkness shuts out your light

But I know Someone who would wipe away every tear
I know a Perfect Love that casts out fear
I know Someone who can heal your broken heart
I know One who can restore when sorrow tears you apart
I know the Light that would show you the way
I know Someone who will fight for you today
I know a Redeemer who has already paid the price
I know Someone who died to give you new life

Are you brave enough to take His hand?
How lost will you become before you follow His plan?
Are you brave enough to let go of your pain?
What will it take to accept the Lamb that was slain?
Are you brave enough to find real life?
How long will it be that you remain blind?
Are you brave enough to look Truth in the face?
Soon you must decide, before your time vanishes without a trace.

For there is only one Way
One Truth, one Life
Will you settle for a counterfeit?
Will you settle for a lie?

This is a poem I wrote almost exactly eight years ago to the day, in March of 2002.  I wrote it for a friend of mine.  The reason I decided to post this today is that I was trying to write another poem and it wasn't coming out right.  Then I realized that a lot of what I was wanting to say with it, I had already written in this poem.  I may still write the other poem eventually, but for now, this one will suffice.  I think I might have written it differently today, but I was very strict with myself and didn't change anything (okay, I added one word).

Compare

Malachi, Israel, and Simeon around the same age...

One of these is a picture of Malachi, the other of Simeon

Izzy's Hair

The Izzy haircut pictures are finally here!

I had the worst time trying to get these pictures from my camera to my computer!  First I lost the camera.  The cool thing about that was after looking all over and questioning the boys multiple times about whether they took it, I finally prayed and asked God to help me find it.  I kid you not, the words had not even completely left my mouth when I looked up and found it!  But after I found it, I could not get my computer to read the camera card, even though it has done it a hundred times before.  Finally I had to go make a photo CD and then bring it back home, and then there were a host of problems trying to figure out how to get those pictures off the CD since it came with its own special sofware.  But, finally, after many technical difficulties, I have the pictures.

They are not the best quality because it is almost impossible for Izzy to remain still for more than 5 seconds.  And, as you can see, instead of smiling, he squints and screws up his face

The first picture is what he looked like before his haircut, the next three pictures are what he did to his hair, and the last four are what he looked like after I tried to fix it, but could only cut the top before he ran off.  The last picture is after Aaron buzzed all his hair.

Butterfly

When it comes right down to it
A butterfly is just a bug
A significantly prettier bug however
Than a caterpillar
But a caterpillar
Is limited to the ground
And where his feet can take him
Whereas a butterfly
May go anywhere
Anywhere

Choose

I recently watched the movie Keeping the Faith.  The basic story is that a priest and a rabbi both fall in love with a girl from their childhood.  Obviously, priests don't get married, so falling in love was a real problem for the character in the movie.  He talks to a friend and mentor, a fellow priest, about his doubts.  He wonders what it means that he fell in love with a woman when he made a vow to God to remain single.  He wonders if he is really committed to being a priest.  He questions what he has always believed to be his calling.  The older priest reassures him.  He tells him that in the forty years he has been a priest, he has fallen in love probably once a decade.  Not to say that he acted on those feelings, but he had them all the same, and the potential was there.  He then makes a statement, which I thought to be profound, "You cannot make a real commitment unless you accept that it's a choice you keep making again and again and again."  I was struck by this nugget of truth embedded in a movie that, to be honest, managed to poorly represent both Judaism and Catholicism (just my opinion, of course). 

The old priest was speaking of a commitment to God, but I think it really applies to any commitment, and especially that of marriage.  It seems to me that in this day and age people are quick to make promises, but not so quick to keep them.  They say "forever", but they mean "for now." 

Let me just say that I am quite a romantic.  I love love stories.  I love the idea of having a soulmate and "true love" and all of that.  I love fairy tales.  But I also know that while love may initially begin with feelings, it continues with choice.  Many people don't realize they're choosing, but they are.  In the beginning it is easy to choose because all those new butterfly feelings of love and infatuation are there as a buffer against bad things.  As you go along though, life sort of beats that out of you, and you have to fight for those feelings.  You have to choose first and then feel, instead of the other way around.

I have always felt very strongly about marriage being a lifelong commitment.  Not temporary.  Not as long as I feel like it.  I made a promise and I intend to keep it.  Promises don't seem to mean much these days.  Promises are used as fancy words said to make other people feel good.  Then as soon as that promise becomes inconvenient, it suddenly becomes okay to break it.  After all, you have to do what makes you happy, right?  Wouldn't want to have to make a sacrifice for someone else.  Certainly not.  Wouldn't want to have to do anything that might require you to die to self (haven't I heard that somewhere before?)

So, bottom line:  choose.  Choose to keep your promises.  Choose to do what's right over what's convenient. 

Oh, and P.S. if you are reading this and having trouble in your marriage, for heaven's sake fight for it!  Don't just give up.  Just because it is hard doesn't mean it isn't worth it. The most valuable things, the things most worth having, are always the most costly to us.

An Izzy Adventure

If you know me at all, and have read my blog, you know that Israel is like my own little daily adventure.  You also know that I often find things on the floor that shouldn't be there, like powder, eggs, salt, bread, and spices. 

Well, today it was his hair.

Yes, today Izzy took it upon himself to cut his own hair.  I was minding my own business when Malachi came running to tell me, "Izzy cut his hair!"  And then there was Izzy, coming out of the kitchen, a gash of  near baldness cut in his hair.  After seeing him, I went into the kitchen to find a surprisingly large pile of hair on the floor.  I looked at the hair, and I looked at him, and I just couldn't help laughing.  He looked so funny!  Some of the hair had been cut all the way down to the scalp, other parts were a bit longer.  I tried to cut it more evenly, but he wouldn't sit still for very long, so I ended up only getting the top slightly evened out.  Now he basically looks like his hair is falling out in patches--but only on top.  The sides are normal.

I'd really like to give you a visual of this haircutting transformation he's going through, but I had some camera troubles today.  First, when I wanted to take a picture of what he did, the camera wouldn't come on at all.  I went and found my old film camera while I tried charging the battery.  I took a couple pictures with that, just in case the digital had more issues than just the battery.  Fortunately with the battery semi-charged, I got a couple of pictures.  Sadly, tonight when I decided that I should put the pictures on my computer so I could add a picture for this blog, the camera had disappeared.  It's hard to tell what exactly happened to it, or who took it, but I'll tell you what my guess is....

Izzy.

It's Better

Awhile ago I wrote about putting Simeon in his own room, and how it was hard to let go.  Then I wrote again about how he slept through the night, which was an unexpected benefit.  Well, I just thought I would write a bit of an update on the little guy and how he's doing now. 

Since he's been moved to his own room, he has slept through the night every time, except maybe once or twice.  Not only did he seem thrilled to be in his own room, but he suddenly seemed to grow up a lot.  He started eating regular food and not just milk, whereas previously he didn't much care about food.  He learned to crawl, and is now crawling all over the house and pulling himself up on things.  He is also trying to talk.  I know it seems like he would be too young, but he really is talking.  He can say "daddy" and tries to say "teeth", and he says "uh-oh", "hi", and "yeah", but without any real context for what they mean.  He mostly is just repeating what he hears.  Izzy was the same way, and it can be very funny, because it means you have a child who says a lot but doesn't know what he means.

What I think is really interesting, is how I thought putting him in his room would somehow be a bad thing.  I imagined him missing us.  I imagined having to get up several times in the night with him, only now I'd have to go to another room, thus making it more complicated.  I thought I would miss him (well, sometimes I do).  But in the end, it was good for all of us.  Simeon actually developed more because I let him go.  Do you see where this is going?  Sometimes, we try to hold on so tight to things, or people.  We try to be in control, and we think we know what's best.  But we don't.  Sometimes what they need most is for us to let go, and let them become their own person.  All that potential that's there that you feel like you should be able to coax out will come out on it's own, and in better ways than you might've thought, if you will just let it be.  I'm speaking to myself here most of all, and I'm trying to pay close attention.  Because I know a day is coming when I'll be faced with something a lot harder than putting my baby in his own room.  And I want to etch the knowledge on my heart that I cannot hold on too tight.  I have got to let these boys become the men that God made them to be.  It will be a fine line, I know, between teaching them what's right and guiding them and holding them accountable, and leaving them to follow what they know is right without interference.  I just have to give a hand to the parents who are doing that right now, and the ones who have already done it, my own parents included.  When the time comes, I'll take my cue from them, and with God's help and wisdom, I'll do the same.

Money Conversion

I went to MOPS today, where they talked about finances.  Honestly, the thought of talking about finances is not so appealing to me.  And listening to someone else talk about it is an equally exciting prospect.  However, it turned out to be much better than I would have thought; very interesting and interactive.  I found out about a few websites that help with saving and budgeting, which for some strange reason caused me to eagerly check into online budgeting when I got home.  In any case, I thought I would share the information I got today, along with some I already had about online resources for saving money etc.

The first is a website, recommended by Dave Ramsey, which helps to save money on groceries, and also will help if you ever feel like you're stuck in a rut when it comes to meal ideas.  We've been using it for about a month, and I love it.  Every meal I have tried has been delicious.  You can check it out at www.e-mealz.com.

Next is a website having to do with building up your savings account.  I have not personally tried it yet, but it was one that was recommended today: www.ing.com.

Lastly, you can try online budgeting at www.mint.com or if that doesn't float your boat, you can google "budget planning" and take your pick.  That's what I did, and found there are actually many sites to choose from. 

Well, I hope that you find this helpful.  I definitely did.  But let me just say now that this is probably going to be one of the few times I EVER write about money in this way.  I'm a spender, not a saver...but I'm trying to convert.

Surrender

"Surrender."  That seems to be the word of the day.  It's so easy to say, but so hard to do.  When I hear God saying this to me, my spirit responds with a resounding "YES!"  But I start thinking, and I wonder, "Can I really do it?"  Can I really surrender? 

What would that look like?  What would it look like if I woke up in the morning and surrendered that day to God, if I let go of my ideas of what should happen or not happen, if I let God move me in the currents of His will and not mine? 

It's an exciting thought.  And a rather frightening one.  Let go of being in control?  Let go of all my preconceived ideas and plans?  No way!  But that is the only way.

If I could I would write out "the five infallible steps to surrender".  Unfortunately, if such things exist, I certainly don't know about it.  I'm not writing to tell you how.  I don't know how.  Honestly, the longer I walk with God, the more I come to realize that I can do nothing on my own, using my own strength and knowledge.  My knowledge is foolishness compared to the wisdom of God.  My strength is weakness when set side by side with the mighty arm of God. 

In light of that, I guess the first thing I will be surrendering is trying to surrender by myself.  God will have to help me.  First, He'll have to show me the moments when I am  not surrendering.  Second, He'll have to help me see the things I don't want to let go of.  Third, He'll have to remind me that I did tell Him I wanted to surrender.  Fourth, after I say "oh, yeah, that's right, I did say that didn't I?" He'll have to show me again the areas of my life that I haven't surrendered.  I am so thankful that He is patient.

"Then Jesus said to the twelve, 'Do you also want to go away?'  But Simon Peter answered Him, 'Lord, to whom shall we go?  You have the words of eternal life.'"  John 6:67-68

Come Back Again

I see your face
I read your words
And they are painful

It is your pain
But it hurts me
How could it not hurt to see you this way?

When I know what you were
What you are
What you should be

I know what you know
But don't seem to remember
And if I could just tell you

If I could somehow remind you
I'm sure it would be different

There are no fancy words
If they would help, I would use them

I would learn new vocabulary
If those big words would mean anything to you

My friend, my friend
To use your own words

"Time flies by
It's been so long
Where have you been?
I tried to call
But you're not home
You've gone away..."
How I hope you'll be back someday

I hope you find your way
Away from hate

I hope salvation will
"Spring up from the ground"
You used to sing it that way

Yes, it hurts to see you this way
It hurts me
Even though it's your pain

And it is dreadful
To read your words
To see your face

Figure of a Mother

A woman becomes a different person when she becomes a mother, and these changes take place both inside and out.  Eyes that once were bright with the possibilities of tomorrow are now weary with the cares of today.  Small wrinkles have formed, fine lines that map the story of her life.  Those eyes, once sharp with determination are now soft with compassion, but alert with the readiness to see hurts and give comfort.  Tears come more easily, too, to these mother's eyes.  Hands that once were soft and cared for are now rough from many washings, cleanings and scrubbings.  The skin is rough, but the touch is gentle and kind when picking up a little one after a fall, and firm when reprimanding an errant toddler.  A mother's figure is not the figure of a young girl.  The hard lines of youth have softened, the waist has thickened.  That softness is scorned by a culture obsessed with an unrealistic ideal, but is the perfect refuge for a tired or hurting child in need of a hug. 

It's All Part of Being a Woman

If you are a guy, I'll warn you now, you may want to skip this one.

I'm glad I'm a woman, but sometimes it is not fun.  Sometimes hormones make us crazy.  I don't like being crazy.  Not like that anyway. Dye-your-hair-pink-crazy is good.  Get-mad-about-weird-things-that-don't-matter-crazy is bad.

I have definitely been feeling a little hormonal, a little crazy, the last few days.  I have been annoyed at the smallest things.  I have gotten unreasonably angry at my husband.  I've been grumpy.  I've been irritable, and probably irritating to my aforementioned husband.  I think most people who know me would say that usually I am pretty laid back.  And there was a time when I prided myself on the fact that I didn't get mad about silly little things (like Aaron saying the wrong thing at the wrong time, even though I knew he didn't mean it the way it sounded).  But that was a long time ago.  You know, like last week.  This week I have become some sort of "zilla".  Mom-zilla or wife-zilla or just Tammy-zilla.  However you want to look at it, I have definitely become something resembling a giant destructive monster.

The other day Aaron asked me if there were any funny parts in the book I was reading.  We were in the car at the time and the kids were making a lot of noise, so when I answered and tried to tell him about a part that I thought was humorous, he was distracted and didn't laugh or really respond at all.  Normally, I would have just blown it off.  I would have understood that he was distracted by the shouting of the children in the back seat.  But on this particular day, and at this particular time, I got annoyed instead.  I had a feeling of "Oh, I cannot believe he is not listening to me!"  Which is foolish.  I'm not sure he could even hear me in all that racket, let alone listen to me.  That's what hormones will do.  They make you feel and think things that make no sense.

What's worse is that I know how stupid it all is.  I know I'm overreacting.  I know I'm being unreasonable.  But I can't help myself.  It's like I'm looking at myself and thinking, "Tammy, this is silly."  But I can't seem to do anything different.  It's the curse of being a woman.  At at time like this, the only prayer that makes sense is, have mercy!  The good news is, "this too shall pass."

Well, now that I have bared my insanity for all to see, I just have one more thing to add.  I know what you're thinking, but no, I am not pregnant!

Rules

There are three different kinds of people in the world...those that are good at math, and those that aren't. 

Sorry, that was joke.  What I meant to say was that the three kinds of people are rule-keepers, rule-benders, and rule-breakers.

I am one of the rule-keepers.  Not that I never break a rule, obviously, but I tend to keep them, and I tend to want to keep them.  You know those public service commercials?  Like the old ones with the egg where they said, "This is your brain" and then they fried the egg and said, "This is your brain on drugs."  Those commercials are for people like me, the rule-keepers.  We are the ones who pay attention to stuff like that.  We see that commercial and think, "Oh my!  I certainly don't want my brain looking like that!"

The other two, the rule-benders and rule-breakers, probably just laugh at those commercials, and then do whetever they see fit, according to their own standards.  They'll keep doing what they were doing before, regardless of this new information.  If they weren't doing drugs before, they'll keep not doing them.  The commercial may have had a slight influence, but not much.  And if they were doing drugs, well, the commercial isn't going to do much for them.

The benders and breakers are also the ones who sometimes don't do things just because someone told them they should.  Like wearing a seat belt.  See, a rule-keeper like me goes to driver's ed and sees the horrible videos about what can happen if you don't wear your seat belt and vows to always wear one lest the same fate should befall them as the unfortunates in the video.  The other people see the video, and say, "Nobody is going to tell me what to do in my own car" and totally ignore all the horror stories, categorizing them as something that happens "to other people".  My husband is one of those people who don't wear a seat belt, out of some sort of defiant mindset, albeit a mild defiance.

I always think it's crazy, that attitude that says, "You can't tell me what to do."  I mean, what if astronauts had that attitude?  You never hear one of them saying, "I'll wear a space helmet if I want to wear a space helmet...."